Check out the pictures of Vinod Kambli's hot wife..

..Well made advertisement of car tyre which goes flying...

Recently in The Times of India there was an article / advertisement
about
Pizza delivery Companies which guarantees you free pizza if they fail
to
deliver within the specified time (like 30 minutes). Have you ever
wondered who pays for the free pizzas??

Well, the delivery boy is made to pay for the pizza. They are paid such
low wages and the price of the pizza is deducted from their monthly
wages
which can amount to upto 60% in some months (It becomes difficult to
run their
family). To deliver the pizzas the delivery boys take high traffic
risks
as delivery becomes their priority. Their life and safety risks are
neither
looked into by the Pizza Shop Management nor the Pizza Delivery Boy
himself. (They are more concerned to avoid the deduction from their
salary).

If this type of exploitation is carried on in your city's pizza
logistics
we should stop availing the home delivery system, because to deliver
our
pizza one person may be risking his life. Is the life of an Indian
citizen so
cheap and of no value? In case he is late in delivering the pizza,
we
are enjoying the free pizza at the hard earned money of a poor delivery
boy.
Is it fair or right on our part to do it?

As a human, please think and if you feel that this is wrong, please
spread
the message and stop having the so called FREE pizzas delivered at
home.

Centre shock(Perfetti) famous commercial in India

Try spelling this..



See the answer only after you give up.!!!!!




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C on V in C in G = convincing

THIS YEAR'S "NOT MY JOB" AWARD

Advertisement for Carlton Draught. Funny advertisement with music from the Old Spice advertisement. :d

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"

Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."

Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."

Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again."

Top Ten Reasons why there won't be an Indian US President Anytime Soon
10. White House not big enough for in-laws
9. Engineering, medicine, law and motels always preferred over politics
8. Agarbattis will set off smoke alarms
7. Can't find decent masala dhosa inside the beltway
6. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother
5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by eating with hands at state dinners
4. No chance for promotion
3. Chewing pan masala not considered politically correct
2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles

If you are a typical, single, Indian man who lives in the USA, the time will come when it will dawn on you that the only chance you have to indulge in wedded bliss lies in the hallowed institution of the "Arranged Marriage". You probably left India when you were twenty-one, having squandered your adolescence striving to get here. At this point, you are twenty-five or older, and have been out of touch with the general Indian female population for more than a decade. All the women you know back home are married. This manual is written for those of you who harbor hopes of acquiring a beautiful arranged bride.

If you belong to the rarified set of intellectuals to whom the external female form holds no charms, and those who evaluate others according to the quality of their inner selves, this manual is not for you. Before you stop reading, please accept my heartiest congratulations on your self control and ideological correctness. I am not worthy of even addressing you (kneel! kneel!).

No, this manual is for the rest of you, mere mortals, who still have enough red blood in their veins so that you can admit, even to yourselves, that you rather like the idea of having a beautiful wife.

Of course, before I even go about describing how to acquire beauty, it is necessary to define it. And this is where I expect the most disagreement. There will be those among you who proclaim, "But beauty is in the eye of the beholder!" And you would be partly right.

If you are a man who equates beauty to facial attractiveness, there is not much that this manual can do for you. You are a very fortunate man, for Indian women have the most beautiful faces of any race in the world. You have a very large pool to choose from, and you do not need much help in choosing, because you can look at each prospective bride's face and decide whether she is beautiful or not.

No, this is written for those who would like their wife to have a good figure too. For you, the job is harder. Typically, Indian women do not get much physical exercise, and consequently, if they are not scrawny, tend to be on the overweight side. Why do you think sarees are so popular in India? Because they can hide all the embarrassing bulk! Some men think that Indian women do not have shapely legs by reasons of genetics. I say to them, check out the figures of the IA (ABCD to you politically incorrect guys) women. They are on par with anything I have seen on any other race. This is because IA women work out and take care to keep themselves in shape. You cannot go covering yourself up around here, not if you want to get dates.

If you are one of those academic types who have not given much thought to the matter, or merely one of those blighters who like to ask intelligent questions to which you already know the answers, and ask me, "But why does one NEED a beautiful wife?" I would reply that beauty is a double edged sword. It has its advantages and disadvantages, some of which I summarize below.

Advantages of having a beautiful wife.
_____________________________________________

a) A beautiful girl is much easier to adjust to than an unattractive one. You will be much more tolerant of her faults during the initial "adjustment" phase of marriage, simply because you will not have the heart to get irritated with someone so lovely. She will be much easier to forgive after a fight.

b) If you are the typical desi engineer, you will not be exactly Adonis Reborn. If your wife is homely too, your child will probably look like the Swamp Thing, or the Blob. If you love your unborn children, you owe it to them to give them a beautiful mother.

c) A beautiful wife enhances your social stature. People will look at you and think, "How the ^&*% did that !@## land such a gorgeous babe? He must have something that is not visible on the outside!" You will get invited to more parties, especially by men who want to spend the evening drooling at her. Conversely, if your wife is homely, you will be rather embarrassed to take her to gatherings of your friends, especially if they are all married to knockouts.

d) And most importantly, sex will be much better if your wife is good-looking. Otherwise, after a couple of years when the pent-up horniness of the past 25+ years has worn off, you probably will not be even able to get it up, unless you resort to ungentlemanly and undignified tactics, like fantasizing about Sridevi when you are in bed.

Disadvantages of having a beautiful wife.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

a) If you are one of those for whom innocence, virtue, and chastity are important, beautiful women are not for you. My empirical research shows that, while beauty (or the lack of it) in a woman is in no way indicative of her intelligence, beautiful women are invariably very street-smart. They KNOW that they are good looking, and have got used to people bending over backwards to accommodate them. This dawns on them very early on in life, when they observe that teachers are much nicer to them than to their less-attractive friends, when almost all the men they encounter behave like brainless, testosterone-driven apes in their presence, when they observe that they get things done twice as quickly in a government office.

As a teenager in college, a beautiful woman would have had lots of men vying with each other for her friendship and affections. She would have to be more than human not to have enjoyed the attention. She would have played the men one against the other, as women have done since time immemorial. She might have dated, and even had affairs. In the process, she would get to know men all too well, and would realize that they are but putty in the hands of a good-looking woman.

b) A good-looking woman is more than a match for the average desi engineer. She will twist you around her little finger and make you jump through hoops. Things will get done her way nearly all the time. Of course, it will be fun to jump through hoops for someone as lovely as she is. A homely woman, on the other hand, will usually be so grateful to you for marrying her that she will treat you like a king.

c) As I mentioned before, a beautiful woman is unlikely to be particularly virtuous or righteous. But that is okay, since too much virtue often goes hand-in-hand with rather undesirable traits. A virtuous woman may also be ugly, weird, boring, hyper-religious or frigid.

d) A beautiful woman is more likely to "stray" after marriage too. This is the USA, and the fact that a woman is married does not make her off-limits to adventurers or would-be Casanovas. The more lovely a woman is, the more likely is she to be propositioned by her male colleagues or friends. Ergo, she is subject to much more temptation than her homely counterparts. Think about this... how would it be if women kept asking you, a man, to make love to them? How many times would you refuse?

How to go about selecting a beautiful wife.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

First of all, there is the matter of mentioning the fact to your parents. If your parents are anything like mine, they will freak out when they hear that their dear devoted son is actually interested in earthy things like beauty (and, by extrapolation, sex). It is not considered good form to say that beauty is important to you in Indian circles.

Here is a very important tip... do not leave bride-hunting to your parents! Beauty is going to be the last of their priorities, coming after caste, horoscopes, family background, perceived virtue of the girl etc. Make it very clear to them that beauty is high on your list of priorities. State in no uncertain terms that you will not marry anyone who does not measure up to your standards. That will prevent them from goofing off during bride-hunting, shirking their responsibilities and palming off some family-friend's daughter on you.

Another unpalatable fact is that your mother will not want you to marry someone too beautiful. This often comes as a surprise to most sons, but the reason is simple. Mothers know that, sooner or later, there will be a tussle between her and her daughter-in-law over her son's affections and loyalties. Since women are extremely conscious of their looks and tend to rate themselves accordingly, a beautiful woman has a psychological advantage over a less attractive one in an argument. Also, your mother knows that a beautiful wife will tilt the scales against her as far as you are concerned, since such a wife will probably have you dangling by the balls, if you pardon the expression. So, left to herself, your mother will limit her search to women who are less attractive than she perceives herself to be.

Before you start on your bride-hunting, you should convince yourself that you deserve a beautiful wife. Do not ever think, "But I am not so good-looking anyway, what right have I to demand a lovely girl?" Since Man started walking the earth, it has been the man's wealth that has been traded off for the woman's beauty. Rest assured that your looks will be the last thing on a girl's mind when she rates you as a prospective husband. (I am limiting myself to arranged marriages here). She will be weighing your earning potential, green-card potential etc. Even in this land of feminism, "Cosmopolitan" has articles on "How to hook a rich husband" and "The ten best places to meet successful men".

You have worked hard, and wasted ten of the most wonderful years of your life getting where you are. You deserve to get something out of it. Do not squander your bargaining position. In other words, do not be ashamed to make your preference for beauty known.

How to check whether she is beautiful.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

First of all, never consent to marry a girl whom you have seen only in photographs. PHOTOGRAPHS LIE!!!! Photography is an art that can make HKL Bhagat look like Zeenat Aman. All too often, photographs sent to prospective suitors contain only the face. Also, they usually have been so air-brushed and sanitized, all the pimples and other irregularities removed, that the end product has little in common with the original. Also, it is a certain fact that no woman will consent to send you photograph that presents herself in an unflattering light.

These days, in the urban areas of India, it is often the practice to take an album-full of pictures of a girl when she gets to marriageable age. These pictures show the girl in various outfits, eastern and western. The album is then sent to prospective grooms-in-the-states. During my last visit to India, I learned from an authoritative source that many of these pictures are blatant forgeries, involving splicing the girl's head on to the figure of some other girl, sometimes professional models. In one case, pictures of a girl's good-looking sister were went out instead. Bottom line: do not make a decision based merely on photographs!

Darshan
^^^^^^^

Once you see the girl directly, you can easily check whether her face measures up. The figure is a different matter altogether. Women have conducted more research into packaging themselves than have been conducted on the entire US space effort. You should realize that, while you were struggling in your engineering program in undergraduate on grad school, women were learning the techniques of camouflage. She KNOWS that it is her looks that count. By packaging herself so that she seems attractive to a non-resident Indian for about 10 minutes, she can earn all that it took the NRI 10 years of hard work to realize. Women are extremely honest with their friends about their positive and negative points. They are intensely aware of their flaws, and work systematically towards concealing them.

So, if she seems to have a liking for loose, flowing sarees orsalwar-kameez, keep your mind open to the possibility that she may be overweight. That fold of her saree draped oh-so-elegantly across her midriff might be concealing a paunch. It it is wound demurely around her back, she probably has spare tires. Does she walk slowly and sedately, like an old Spanish galleon making its way across the seas? She is probably holding her paunch in.

So what do you do if she always appears in such clothes? You cannot very well demand that she change clothes... that would be outrageously bad form. AND SHE KNOWS THAT! One way to approach such a problem is the following. Tell her that she cannot wear a saree in the states ,that it would be embarrassing for you. Tell her that if she is not willing to wear jeans, shorts and pants on a regular basis, you are probably not a good choice for her. Subtly hint that you would like to see her in western clothes. If she refuses flat-out, my friend, you can be sure that she is hiding something. If she has a good figure, she will make damned sure that you see it.

A large percentage of women in India have huge hips and very heavy thighs. This is mainly due to lack of exercise. In a saree orchuridar, it is impossible to check for these, which is why they are so popular. If a woman states that she does not wear pants, warning bells should ring in her mind. One way to check for obesity under asaree or salwar is to note the relative positions of her bosom and midriff. For a woman with a good figure, the bosom should be at a considerably higher level. If she dresses so that the bosom does not stand out, it is almost surely because she has a paunch that comes to the same level. Or she may be droopy, saggy or totally flat.

Let me reiterate, if a girl has something to show, she will make damned sure that you will see it.

One way to see how your prospective bride looks when she is not dressed up is to ask to see her family albums. NOT the ones that they keep out ostentatiously but the ones that they keep tucked away at the corner of the shelf. A lot of overweight women go through crash diets during the wedding season, starving themselves or going to professional "fat-farms" to lose dozens of pounds, to get into presentable shape for the darshan. I know of one woman who lost 60pounds in 8 months preparing for the wedding. She quickly gained it all back after the marriage. Pictures of the woman taken 2 or 3 years ago should tell you whether she is inclined to obesity.

If, on the other hand, she is a thin woman who has padded herself up to look good on darshan day, there is no way on earth that you can tell. The best way to check for this sort of stuff is to enlist the help of a sympathetic, liberated, female, friend, sister or other relative. She can easily see through the disguise and give you unbiased estimates of the interior. So, if you have a sister, you had better start being nice to her.

If the Titanic was made in India:

10) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.

9) There has to be a song with a girl wearing a white dress, singing in the rain.

8) By the end of the movie he finds his mom, dad, sister and brother.

7) It's seven and half-hours long.

6) The movie would be called "Doobta Hua Pyar".

5) Kate Winslet played by Madhuri Dixit, and Leonard Di' Caprio played by Salman Khan.

4) The boat would sink, because there are too many people on it.

3) None of the people would float for long cause of the saris.

2) They would be serving mango fruity on the boat.

1) Wait a minute it was an Indian movie if you think abou it.

AND

Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo"!!!

PS: The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.

# How does a Gulti commute office 40 miles away?

* He walks all the way because he wants to get a good resale value for his car.

# Why does a Gulti wish for rain?

* Because he gets a free car wash.

# How does a Gulti wash clean his cloth and carpet?

* He stuffs both together into washing machine to save few pennies.

# Why does computer books in book stores get a Gulti smell?

* Because those books were returned by a gulti after 30 days free trial.

Pyaaaray Lal,

I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last person who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an uncle or an aunty.

Your Uncle Herolal fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as they couldn't' get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mom

Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting Indian Elections ----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Name of Candidate : _______________________

2. Present Address
(i) Name of Jail : _______________________
(ii) Cell Number : _______________________

3. Political Party : _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological (Order)

4. Sex: [ ]
A - Male
B - Female
C - Mayawati

5. Nationality: [ ]
A - Italian
B - Indian

6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A - Defected
B - Expelled
C - Bought out
D - None of above
E - All of above

7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A - To make money
B - To escape court trial
C - To grossly misuse power
D - To serve the public
E - I have no clue (if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized Government Psychiatrist)

8. How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A - 1-2 yrs
B - 2-6yrs
C - 6-15yrs
D - 15+yrs

9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

10. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ] (Do not confuse with question 8)
A - 1-2 years
B - 2-6 years
C - 6-15 years
D - 15+years

11. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A - Why not
B - Of Course
C - Definitely
D - I deny it all
E - I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A - 100-500 Crores
B - 500-1000 Crores
C - Overflow... (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A - No
B - No
C - No
D - No

14. Describe your achievements in space provided: [_________]
Thumb Impression of candidate (Not that of the person who filled the form)

What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
I, Iyer, Iyengar.

What's the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
Comepalakrishnan.

How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
Ready....Steady.....PO

What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?
Rangamannar Rangarajan.

How does a Tamilian introduce the tennis superstar Lendl?
Ivan Lendl (Ivan = 'he' in Tamil).

What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built?
Nikumo Nikado (Will it or won't it stand?)

What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?
Subramanium Didn't See Me.

A Sindhi walking through a bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell him some illegal Viagra for 1,000 Rupees.

"No, not worth it Sai!"

"OK, how about 500 Rupees?"

"No, not worth it Sai!"

"OK, 200?"

"No, not worth it!"

"How about 100?"

"No, not worth it!"

"Listen, these pills cost $10 American each. How can you say they are not worth it?"

"Ade baba, the pills are worth it, it's my wife is not worth it."

A moment or two after a highway accident, an old Marwadi man came up to a woman lying by the roadside.

"Have the police come yet?" the man asked.

"No," the woman moaned.

"Has the ambulance been here yet?"

"No," the injured woman repeated.

"How about the insurance company?"
"No."

"Listen," the Marwadi said, bending down. "Do you mind if I lay down next to you?"

Mallus have been and are among India's most widely spread Community.

If anyone needs proof then all they need do is look into NASA archives.

As Neil Armstrong was about to say "One small step...", a Kaka came out of his shaap, and called his boy..

"Yada.. randu chaaya.". So much so for Armstrong being the first man on the moon. Mallus were there first!

The passengers were leaving the Air India plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied Kanjibhai paused to congratulate the flight attendant.

"Stewardess," Kanjibhai said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time.

It's not often that an airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will.

I'm going to call your Air India home office and let them know how pleased I am."

"Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered,

"but I think you should know--this is yesterday's flight."

Teli aur jat ki is baat pe kaha suni ho gayi ke kaun ghana syana se. Dona ke beech shayari ka muqabla ho gaya. Pehelan teli ki baari thi. Usne sunaya, "Jat re jat, tere sar pe khat."

Jat ne apna dimag top gear main thok diya aur bolya, "Teli re teli, tere sir pe kohlu."

Teli bolya, "Arre jat ya to koi baat nahi bani."

Jat bolya, "Na banne, sasurre bojh taley to dab ke marega."

A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:

Saala pura body headache maar raha hai

What do you call a Bengali who takes bribe?
Mr. Goosh.

What did one Bengali voyeur ask another?
Keyhollo.

What do you call a bong who talks a lot, sometimes without making sense?
Mr. Chatterjee.

An angry Bengali letter?
Chitti-chitti Bong Bong

A talkative Bengali?
Bulbul Chatterjee

An outlawed Bengali?
Kanoon Banerjee

An enlightened Bengali?
Jyoti Basu

A Bengali who works?
A work of fiction

A stupid Bengali girl?
Balika Buddhu

A Bengali marriage?
Bedding

A mad Bengali?
In Sen

A dark Bengali who lives in a cave?
Kalidas Guha

A Bengali mobster?
Robin Ganguli

A perfumed Bengali?
Chandan Dass

A Bengali goldsmith?
Shonar Bongla

What's bigger than the state of Bengal?
The Bay of Bengal

What's common between Bengalis and sperms?
Only 1 in a million works

When does a Bengali sound like a dog?
When he says wow(Bow)

What does a ghati call a burping Bong?
Mukhopadhaya

What do you call a Bengali who doesn t eat fish?
Ahilsa

What do you call an outlawed Bengali?
Bonduk Bannerjee.

When does the Bengali sound like a dog?
When he bharks (works).

How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
for Orange, B for Bhegetable....

How does a Bong relax in the evening?
He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij.

What does the Bong do first in the morning?
After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit.

What does a Calcuttan who has a lot of time do? And what does a hurrying Calcuttan do?
The one with a lot of time takes some public transport(bus/tram). The Calcuttan in a hurry would walk.

Why are Metro commuters like Dawood Ibrahim?
Because they are underground.

Pentium II and Pentium I
--- "Bade Miyan Chhote Miyan"

An employee who signs a bond
--- "Bandhan"

Ctrl C+ Ctrl V
--- "Duplicate"

An employee on probation
--- "Paying Guest"

Ctrl + Alt + Del
--- "Aakhri Raasta"

An employee who frequently changes the company
--- "Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi"

An employee who is ready to sign a bond
--- "Dulhan Banu Mai Teri"

An employee without signing bond
--- "Kachche Dhage"

Sister concern
--- "Judwaa"

Boss say to employees when asked for increment
--- "Kuch Kuch Hota Hain"

An employee who works sincerely
--- "Dil Se"

An employee who is ready to leave his job
--- "Doli Saja Ke Rakhna"

A project having two projects leaders
--- "Ek Phool Do Mali"

An employee without accommodation
--- "Pardesi Babu"

Password
--- "China Gate"

Super User Password
--- "Gupt"

An employee who sticks to a company for more than Three years
--- "Amar Prem"

Bill Gates
--- "Humse Badhkar Kaun"

Microsoft Corporation
--- "Ustadon Ke Ustad

Group Leader
--- "Khal Nayak

Backup
--- "Jagte Raho"

Dos & Windows
--- "Do Raaste"

F1
--- "Guide"

Internet
--- "Door Gagan Ki Chhav Mein

Operator vs computer
--- "Main Khiladi Tu Anadi"

Windows 95
--- "Bade Dilwala"

Undelete
--- "Naya Jivan"

Project incharge
--- "Mohra"

An employee who falls in love during his posting In foreign country
--- "Love in Tokyo"

An employee who left the job without informing
--- "Nau Do Gyarah"

Mail Merge in MS Word
--- "Sangam"

10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight

9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister, neither does she get raped nor does she get married off to some goon who ill treats her.

8. The Hero actually asks the Heroine to elope with him instead of confronting her father and finally winning him over.

7. The Hero's bachelor friends at work do not get to come home and enjoy a meal cooked by the newly wed bride, with one of them ogling at her with evil intentions.

6. Since the Hero and Heroine get married very early in the movie, they should have known that something was going to go wrong and should have taken due care.

5. The movie is called "Bombay" but we don't get to see even one overflowing electric train. (It is like Ice station Zebra with no Zebras around)

4. Hero/Heroine do not have enough friends or relatives for a final group shot.

3. The Hero's children are ignorant about religion because the director forgets to include a scene where the Hero or Hero's father has a table with a Bible, a Koran and a Bhagwad Gita.

2. The Heroine forgets to teach her children the family re-unification song, when separated we see the kids helpless not knowing what to do unlike their more well bred counterparts from other films. and

1. "Rabert! Agar aam janta, marra marri karne lage, tho humme kaise phillummo me chance millega"

10. A chain of "Bhaskar-RaoBins" ice cream stores all over the country, in collaboration with Baskin Robins.

9. Kraft will make "PARAMESAN CHEESE" at Madras, in collaboration with Parameswaran & Co.

8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of Indian version, to be named, "KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN" and will be headquartered at Bangalore.

7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys of all cities, its version, to be named:"PICHHE HUT". Headquarters: Kanpur. PICHHE = means back-alleys for the uneducated 6

. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants to be named: "McDosalu". Hqs. Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli and Dosa.

5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as "Mr. SUBRAMANI", to be headquartered at Madras.

4. Red Carpets colored with biodegradable (hence environmentally friendly) red PAAN. Juice extracts will enjoy duty-free status in US.

3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli's COW-BHAIS, to teach Indians how to play Football.... with hands.

2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA, as long as they are not used outside of Demolition Derby.

1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology transfer of its Tax System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and to be named: "UNCLE SHYAM".

Ekada Tarzan nehemipramane jangalat hindat aasato. Titkyat tyala ek melela
Chitta disato...Tarzan jabbari khoosh houn kay mhanel ?????

Tarzan: chala ajoon eka chaddichi soy zali !!!

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Don sardar buddhibaL khelat hote. (hahahahahahahahaha)
Ajun don jan aale aani mhanale : Arrey yaar, doubles khelayache ?

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Ambyacha lonche konkanat ka bara khapat nahi?
Pickle tithe vikle kasa?

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Ajeet ani Robert office madhe basalele asatat. Titkyat baherun Micky Mouse yeto
aani Ajeet la sangato ki "mala ramayan/mahabharat vachayache aahe" tyapudhe...

Ajeet : Robbbeerrrt Micky ko wall pe chipaka do...use ramayan padhaneka hai |

Robert: Lekin Baasssss use to marathi bilkoolch nahi aati |

Ajeet : Maloom hai gadhe | Isiliye use wall pe lataka do taki wo Normal Micky se
WallMicky ho jayega !

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Japan madhe Shalela kaay mhaNtat ?
Ans: Yashika

Polish Foreign Minister che naav kaay??
Uthlaska Baski

Chinese Chahache Dukan : Funkun funkun pee

Japanese ship - haka naka maru
A russian name - zatos ki nahis ( is it form P.L.Deshpande?)
A chinese name - sto chi pin
At the entrance to Kirloskar Cummins : KIRLOSKAR CUMMINS

Q: Foxpurchi Mango Lady You Me Bread.
A: Kolhapurchi Ambaabai tu mala pav.

Q. Asa konta gad aahe jo chdhata yet nahi
A. Bhangad.

Q. Ase konate Gate aahe jyatun aat shirta yet nahi ..
A. Colgate.

Q. Sarvat mothe pan konate ?
A. Japan

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Marathi mansache Hindi

saral jaake daawikade walo !

"Ek Shri. aa ba ka kar hotel madhye jatat ani mhantat ... Wo chawalke uper
nicheka katha katha dal dena"

"Mai roj subu subu 10 baje ghar ke bahar girta." ...Shabdashah bhashanter
of "Gharabaher padane."

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:Anupam Kher la varshachya shevti Mulgi zhali tar tiche kai naav asel bara?? Varsha A.Kher !!!

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Ekda ek maanus lagnala aalyacha tukda (ginger) gheun jaato. Ka?? Karan lagnachya patrikevar lihilela asta .. Lagnala "aala"ch paahije =))

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Ekda ek manus asa announce karto ki tyacha kutra Tommy la poorna English kalta. Challenge mhanun dusra manus yeto ani Tommy la biscuit dakhvun mhanto "Tommy .. take". Tar Tommy jaaun bhintila tekto

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Ek manus doodh pita pita marto...kase kay? Mhais Khali baste

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Manus eka tapriwar jaato aani samosaa magto.. Samosa aalyawar to fakta aatalaa masaalaCh khato Taperiwalaa mhanto arey kyo sirf masalaa hi khayaa?? manus mhanto "arey doctor ne bahaar ka khane ke liye mana kiya hain!!!!!!!"

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Eka jatret eka stall madhe ek manus ordat asto , ek rupayet dudhi halva. loka paise devun aat jatat , tikde ek duhi latkavli aste . loka vichar taat kuthe ahe dudi halva samor che dudhi tumhi halva ani nigha.

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Manus at an interview:

Question: What is Ford?
manus: Gaadi!!!
Question: Good,what is Oxford?
manus: Bailgaadi

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vaTpournimechyaa divshii vaDaachyaa zaaDaachii poojaa kelyaanantar baaykaa kaay mhaNtaat? vaDaa paav ... ... »

Masalatime.com : No categories just previous and next joke...

There is a category for non-veg jokes and Ajit jokes

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http://www.rajiv.com/india/humor/ -> got lots of jokes...

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http://www.asianjoke.com/Indian.htm -> lots of jokes

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http://www.jokesfromindia.com/ - lots of jokes

Santa Singh, Banta Singh, and Ghanta Singh escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Santa, 'Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!'

Santa jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away... Santa slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

'C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Banta. 'Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!' says Banta. 'No! We like you! Just jump!'

'OK' says Santa and jumps.

SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and he's flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, Ghanta steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell 'Jump! You have to jump!'

'No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!' yelled Ghanta.

'No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!'

'Look,' Ghanta Singh says, 'nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it...'

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather
jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not
to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take
this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right
Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three
years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton
robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he
get a silken robe and golden staff?"
"Results," shrugged Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he
drove, people prayed."


Moral of the story:
It's Performance, Not Position that Counts .

Steven Spielberg's smash hit dinosaur flick "Jurassic Park" is the latest victim of the Telugu film industry's remake factory. The blockbuster special-effects extravaganza is being re-made for a Telugu audience, and the script will undergo some modification to appeal to the discerning Telugu movie go-er.

"What is there in Spielberg or George Lucas? They make good films, but our film will be better than the original. We are using Indian values to add some interest value." said someone named Rao.

Reports reveal that the main story line will involve a dinosaur whose mother is kidnapped by smugglers. The dinosaur then sets off on a long journey to rescue her, discovers that the kidnappers had killed his father over the issue of some merchandising rights, and gets his revenge by blowing up a few helicopters. On the way, he meets and falls in love with a girl dinosaur with big breasts and garish clothes, and marries her at the end of the film. Efforts are on to design a dinosaur with a moustache, as this is essential for a hero to be successful in Telugu.

There will also be some spectacular song and fight sequences, including a group dance atop the Eiffel tower, and a brutal fistfight involving some fruit carts and an eagle.

"What is the use of brown dinosaurs? So boring. We are going to have more colorful dinosaurs - probably pink, lime-green and royal purple, "said someone named Reddy. When asked if they might also be candy-striped or polka-dotted, he angrily retorted "What? Are you crazy? How can dinosaurs have patterns?"

The film is tentatively titled "Jurassic Alludu", but producers are also toying with alternatives like "Bobbili Dino" and "T-Rex No.1."

The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG): Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody!!!

AJIT : Robert is ko microprocessor may daal do !
Bit by bit mar jaayga gaa saala!

AJIT : Robert is ko liquid oxygen may daal do !
Liquid issay jeenay nahi day gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi day gaa!

One gangstar gave three fully sealed khokas (typical mumbaian word, u should be familiar if u have seen vaastav) to his fellow and ordered him not to open these khokas....after three days ,gangstar shot that fellow..when another gangboy asked his gangstar why did you shoot him, he said i ordered him not to open these khokas but he did not obey my order..gangboy said that three khokas were still fully sealed then how did you know that he had opened the khokas??

gangstar said when i touched three khokas i felt two khokas were hot and one was cold..gangboy could not understand anything..

can you guess how the gangstar found it out???

guess.....

..click on "Read More"